the tecopa pupfish
a kind of minnow
liked hot springs
liked them so much it was the only place
they lived in the world
but we liked and wanted them too
i can’t really
understand why
because now
they are extinct.
the tecopa pupfish
a kind of minnow
liked hot springs
liked them so much it was the only place
they lived in the world
but we liked and wanted them too
i can’t really
understand why
because now
they are extinct.
I’m sleeping on it
that decision
that I don’t want to make
Why have you adapted?
we all have to
is the answer I get
I didn’t mean to say that
is what you said
I don’t want that to make sense
but it does
and feels too heavy right now
they had smoked salmon
no one ate it
here
but I sure did
And why?
Because it’s
good because
they don’t know
it’s good
it’s like a secret
like the one
we shared
a few weeks ago
after the show
after the talk
before we would
never see each other
anymore
and now
we’re back
to normal
to what you call
Normal—
Doesn’t feel normal
That coat is classic
Tan
Camel hair
it’s large and long on me
the hem is stained black
wonder
what it’ll cost
to dry
Clean that up
But I want to
It’s classic
I used it to tell you who I am
without words
but with clothes instead
on the telephone
I used a lot of words too
But then I sat in your car
you wanted to be married to me
and that’s absolutely insane
to me
but you also tell people
how they should live their lives
Khaled:
I think you need
to focus on your degree
I don’t care about the book
Couldn’t figure out why I gave it away
but I did and that’s
because of love
a love-symbol travel souvenir
a historic philosophical text
a pouting sad-guy author
Emotions make people
Fatuous
and look at what I did
because of that
It’s a nice book
French and antique
I stole it.
But yes I know
I don’t need to hear it
or think it
I’ve been spitting for days
spit spit spitting
and I can’t spit this
bitter taste out of my mouth
must be the taste of my tongue
must be something I ate
and my poor decisions
Enjoy the book.
(You were nice for a minute
And now I really think you’ve
Become awful again.)
I lied a lot and it doesn’t seem right
Please just like the book as much as I did.
The nerves in my teeth are moving
you know
back and forth
they have their own personalities
and even names
Maybe I gave them names
because I’m bored
I shouldn’t be bored.
one time i had an anxiety attack
in an rv
in an rv park
in the middle of the country
because of a bug
and if you’re a bug
(or not a human)
i’ll share my house
or living space
with you
but i still may not agree with your behaviors
i’d like to change my behaviors
the bad ones
i’d start with oversleeping
tomorrow i’ll make
an alarm
for seven in the morning
i’d prefer not to share
my bed with bugs
we can take about it though
why was i
the one who got stuck
with the eyes that don’t match
one is lower
i can’t go to the doctor
i don’t have money
but what would i do anyway?
ask for a new eye?
they’d say
“that’s how it goes,
you’ve got an ugly eye.”
Three of us went to the opening, us and your friend Stephen. We ordered a car and that used to be a way to seem like you have money here. People who have money (who like to make it known) take cars not the train. They three of us dressed up but it’s an opening in Chelsea and they say that’s just what you have to do. Or maybe it was raining. Maybe that’s why we got a car. But I don’t think so. We went to a big-deal Serrano show and I only liked it because I found a few reasons to dislike it. A perfect opportunity to complain about things. So then there was a party or dinner or something and Stephen took us there. He was invited, we weren’t. They didn’t have any chairs for us I guess. Stephen stayed. I was fine with leaving. We went home and got pizza and went to bed. I think I slept well.
I’m walking up 2nd or 1st Ave near 6th and a man, he said, “Come here,” to where he was sitting outside at a table at a place where I like to buy pizza. Man with grey hair, normal. Sitting with a younger guy. He said that I have nice glasses, I’m John Lennon. I didn’t (and still don’t) think those sunglasses really look like that. I said that to him. He blew off my response by warning me about Planet X. Planet X is a planet and it’s about to hit Earth. And nobody knows that it’s happening, besides the Pope. The Pope said something about it. No one must have listened except this guy. I let him finish got my pizza and wondered why someone would sit outside knowing that a planet is hurtling itself towards us. It takes me a lot longer to realize that I am not duty-bound to engage with crazy street people even if they seem pretty normal, and I think that is a skill people allegedly master around the age of nine.
I’m dating someone
(we are listening to U2)
(it was my choice)
and
I started thinking about parrots
you remind me
of one
and you tell me
i’m not good enough
to do your kind of cleaning
in NYC
those big three letters
well please
you take your homeopathic
drugs
and tell me
if they are good enough for you
It’s a car ride with another person
World’s Largest Selection of Beads
prison van broke down
on the side of the road
“Is this the same band?”
No, it isn’t
There’s one of those weird skies
that looks like a kid’s cartoon
The beach train takes about an hour (if you can find the right train running at the right time on the right track). I packed too much, two bags of stuff to sit on the beach for a few hours. It was a Saturday and warm, so it really wasn’t a good idea to go. I should have picked a weekday. I don’t know why I didn’t; the weather was supposed to be nice all week. But I wanted to swim and guess I didn’t care about the crowds. Someone told me that sharks don’t live that far north in the Atlantic. I think I made myself believe that. It’s not true and I knew it and I think most people know that. Nobody was really swimming and the water was cold but I was fine. I went out farther than anyone. I ate some ice cream at some point that tasted like Dairy Queen so I was a little disappointed. I expected higher-quality ice cream and who knows why? I rode the Ferris wheel. I bought a puppet from a woman and she gave me a small stuffed thing in the shape of a pile of shit. I asked her about puppet making. She didn’t know anything about it. I bought some red linen pants and some teenagers told me that I’m a hippie. They did a better job at defining my identity that I ever could. They did it so quickly.
Should
you feel
more distraught
because you’re stuck
in the cold?
in the rain?
What makes you better?
What makes you
think
that a spell
that a spell in the rain
makes you artistic
Do you feel
validated?
real?
Hopeful?
I hope so.
this was an airbnb review
that I was going to leave:
“Your place is great.
Unfortunately had to experience it
during
the travesty of democracy
that’s happening.
Glad you had a box of kleenex tissues.”
November 19
2016
Scooping cold butter out of a jar that’s the size of a shot glass with a pretty fresh piece of bread doesn’t make sense to me. And I can’t call you a scofflaw (there’s that word, burnt into my brain forever) because no one will arrest you because of the way you eat butter (but don’t you have utensils?). It seems like a lot of energy is being used to eat like this. Well, now I’m wondering if this is a reasonable solution for offsetting the calories you’re consuming but I don’t think so. I didn’t say anything but I did think about last August when you spent a whole decade, or 10 minutes, whatever, lampooning me, displaying your understanding of proper eating techniques, cutting food, holding a fork and other stuff. You insisted that I do it right because I’d be embarrassing at parties or other special things. But I still haven’t eaten at any parties or special things, and now I’m afraid to eat food in front of people.
She took our beans
well
your beans and made something with noodles
it looked alright
i saw a video
can you believe that?
about artificial intelligence
and now
I’m convinced that technology
will manifest physically
as humans
and destroy us
I had nightmares about it.
If I leave soon
could you come fast
or should I
not worry about it?
I don’t like Brooklyn. When I leave the train and I don’t feel the busyness that I expect, I feel nonplussed: both definitions work here. I guess I’m used to being punched in the face by my normal surroundings. People say that everything is cheap in Brooklyn (it’s really not cheap). I don’t want to move there but I might have to now. But I’ve been there a few times. I went to this honky-tonk bar there. Live music every night. I was having fun but not that much so I decided to go home. People dancing makes me feel depressed because I’m an uncoordinated sloth. I stopped at the bathroom first but someone was in it. When it opened, an arm popped through the crack about a foot wide and grabbed me. And can you believe that this happened? I was pulled into the damn bathroom and he tries making out with me, tries having sex with me. I think I laughed at him. I pushed him away and left. Maybe I should have given him my business card. I didn’t go to this place alone but I didn’t tell him what happened for a few weeks. He was pissed when I did. I can think of a few reasons why I won’t go back there.
A pink bowl
and a wooden box
my cellphone’s beside them
we’re looking
for smokers
she said
she leaned over
this green marble table
I don’t think it’s real marble
but why’s it matter
when you’re talking
about the Atlantis hotel?
this is all nothing
this place is nothing
does this city pass for Chicago
the place
with cubs
Chicago is Chicago
No shit.
Downtown Chicago
the place of big dreams
when you’re in
a place with
no dreams
and to me
this barroom chitchat
is exhausting